The past is not a prophet; at best, it is only a teacher. So, what have I learned over the years?

Emotional Health in My Older Years

Four Circles of Life Toward More Fulfilling Older Years

I've been thinking about the circles I live in these days. I'm not only thinking about those of us who grieve, but also the many people in their seventies and eighties who are learning to adjust to a different stage of life. At any age, life's more fulfilling when you walk each circle.

Furthermore, I've discovered that our world can become smaller as we grow older. It happens so gradually that we hardly notice it. I've also discovered that there are ways to keep that world from shrinking.

Allow me to share what I'm learning.

Circle One: Life Within the Four Walls

I usually go outside my house every day. You see, since my wife, Fran, died earlier this year, I live alone.

I could easily spend most of my time inside my house. I'm comfortable here. No one bothers me. I don't have to dress to meet anyone else's expectations. I can do what I want when I want. There is something appealing about that kind of freedom.

Yet, I've come to realize that all is not well when I spend too much time by myself. My world begins to shrink, and I find myself becoming more isolated.

It's comfortable living, but I don't want these four walls to become the boundaries of my life.

Circle Two: Stepping Outside

My second circle begins when I step outside, take a walk, meet a neighbor, or stop to talk to someone.

As Louis Armstrong sang years ago, “What a Wonderful World.” And indeed, it is!

I've discovered that there is a wonderful world waiting just beyond my door. All it takes is putting on a jacket and stepping outside.

I learned something about this during my grief. Since Fran was no longer by my side, getting out of the house became one of the ways I began adjusting to life without her. It didn't take away my grief, but it helped me reconnect with the world around me.

Now, in my eighties, I'm learning that I still need those connections. I may be living alone, but I don't have to withdraw from life.

Circle Three: Reconnecting With Family and Friends

My third circle involves family, old friends, and the relationships that bring companionship into our lives.

I'll be truthful with you. This takes work on my part.

In my experience, family members and friends don't always call or visit as often as I might hope. At times, that can be disappointing. But I have to remind myself that they have lives of their own, with responsibilities and demands that keep them busy.

They don't wake up each morning and decide they aren't going to call Richard today. They're simply occupied with their lives.

So I've learned that I can't always wait for someone else to make the first move.

There are friends from my younger years whom I haven't spoken with in a long time. I wonder what they're doing and whether they remember me. So I pick up the phone and say, “Hi, I'm Richard. Do you remember me? I've been thinking about you and wondering if you'd like to get together for coffee sometime.”

It may seem like a small thing, but it opens a door.

Perhaps we'll have coffee. Perhaps we'll share lunch or visit one another's homes. Whatever happens, I've tried to reconnect with someone who was once part of my life.

I'm discovering that friendships don't always maintain themselves. They need a little attention from me, too.

Circle Four: Exploring Beyond My Familiar World

My fourth circle takes me beyond my usual surroundings. It means discovering places I've not visited in a long time, seeing something different, and enjoying experiences outside my normal routine.

Yesterday, I picked up a friend in my car, and we drove ninety miles. We visited a place we hadn't been to in years. Both of us enjoyed it immensely.

I slept well that night!

That little trip reminded me how much enjoyment there is in getting out and doing something different. It felt good to share the experience with a friend and to have something new to talk about when the day was over.

I'm in my eighties now. I know I can't do everything I once did, and I recognize that health and other circumstances can limit our choices. But I would rather not assume that getting older means I've run out of new experiences.

There are still places to see, people to meet, and memories to make.

What I'm Learning About My Emotional Health

I've come to realize that my emotional health matters just as much as my physical and mental well-being.

Since losing Fran, I've had to adjust to a life I never expected to live alone. Some days are harder than others. But I'm discovering that the way I spend my days makes a difference.

Staying inside can be comfortable. Reaching out to a friend takes effort. Going somewhere new requires a little planning. Yet these small things can bring enjoyment and connection into my life.

I remember The Little Engine That Could, the story our parents read to us when we were five years old. The little engine kept saying, “I think I can,” until it finally declared, “I know I can!” And it pulled the boxcars over the hill.

I sometimes wonder whether there's a lesson in that story for me today. I may not be able to do everything I once could, but there are still things I can do. Yes, I can step outside. Make that call to a friend. I can take a drive and see somewhere new.

And when I do, I often find that my day has been better for it.

A Personal Thought for My Aging Family and Friends

I'm sharing these four circles because I know how easy it would be for my world to become smaller since Fran died. I'm learning that I feel better when I get outside, reconnect with people, and occasionally venture somewhere new.

Perhaps you recognize something of yourself in my experience. Maybe your world has become smaller, too. Or perhaps you're already doing these things and have discovered how much they add to your life.

We each have our circumstances, and what works for me may not work for everyone. But I believe there is value in finding ways to stay connected with the world around us.

I'm still learning how to do that myself.

I'm 84 now. And as much as I'd like to do it, no way can I turn back the clock, and I know there are things I can no longer do. But I would rather not stop discovering what this stage of life still has to offer.

For me, that's what these circles are really about. Not trying to live as I did when I was younger, but finding ways to keep living meaningfully with the years I have.

That's what I'm working on, one day at a time.

Please tell me if any one of these circles needs a little more push in your life. I like your insights on what's helping you navigate in the later years of life.

Contact me at rich@richard-armstrong.com.

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